She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
