Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
