He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drake has all the answers
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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