No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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