chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
