You're my little dorito
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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