I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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