First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
