she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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