You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
