Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
