I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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