nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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