shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
