White coat. Heels.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
