the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
