If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
