I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i barfeds in our rink
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
