I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
