Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
