Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
