Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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