$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she smelled like a LAN party
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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