Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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