i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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