no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
