I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
