Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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