My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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