What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
