I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
