i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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