I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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