38 yer olds are good kisserssss
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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