What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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