dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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