I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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