What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
