when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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