So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
