I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
