You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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