My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
