I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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