Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
