Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
