Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
