my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
