Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
