she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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