if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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