Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
