She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
