Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
